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An actual question about Twilight

Okay. Twilight = Stupid, antifeminist bullcrap. However! iCarly = unfunny, cruel, childish, violent, wish-fufilling fluff, so, no hate, kay? I've added a bunch of newbs to my f-list lately so I dunno which ones of you are the supersecret twilight-loving fools out there.

The New Moon posters of silliness, as seen aqui, make me go "guh??"

Okay I know that's it's like, Werewolves vs. Vampires: WHOSE CUISINE WILL REIGN SUPREME? and all that. And that the werewolves are like descendants of some native american tribe yackity smackety. And that Bella, being an utter twit, wants to become all wampire-tastic and that buff kid who everyone says looks like Nathan Kress but I SO don't see it is all "Bella, I will save you from those evul vampire dudes trying to weave you into their web of bloody lies!" etc etc etc.

None of this is what I have a question about. My question is:

What up with the racial segregation situation? Are there no black vampires? Are there no white or black or purple werewolves who are like 1/16 wolf tribe on their mom's side or whatever? Are there no asian people in this whole freaking situation despite taking place on the west coast where asian peeps live it up? Do they get to like, secretly be were-pandas instead? What about all the other flavors of brown? Aren't the vampire people not actually all related to each other? I know the werewolves are like, all part of the same trizzibe so that can be forgiven, but even if your skin is like of sparkling granite you could totally be a black chick, anyway.

Uh, anyway, I know I'm inviting race!fail and people calling me dumb but what the eff is up with that? Is it explained in the books? Is it mentioned ever anywhere? Is this a topic that has been wanked about years previous and I missed it? Do tell.

edit: apparently they aren't werewolves who happen to conveniently forget 10/12ths of the lore. They are *shapeshifters* who take the form of wolves. This makes me sad but for the purposes of pedantry I supposed I should specify that I have been duly informed. Still doesn't explain why there aren't any nice jewish girls who are 1/16th wolf tribe who get a scholarship to shapeshifter U.


( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 30th, 2009 03:43 pm (UTC)
Hmmm, I've only read the first book (a looong time ago) and I saw Twilight with my little cousins.
There is a black vampire, and he's all honourable and stoic.
And there's some asian kid who Bella befriends. Other than that, I've no idea.
Sep. 30th, 2009 03:59 pm (UTC)
Yeah actually after writing this I dug down deep into the shut-off and boarded-up memories of viewing the weeklong crack-bender-inducing Twilight movie and I remembered that there WAS a black vampire. But he was all EVILS and stuff!

But mostly I'm a bit agog about those posters? It's like, WHAM, BROWN VS IVORY, FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.

I think I might be on Team Jacob. Dear god, no!
Sep. 30th, 2009 04:04 pm (UTC)
There's a Jamaican (I'm guessing) vampire, but I don't think we see much of him throughout the series.

It really makes no sense because I think the author tried to make the vampires be those quintessential pale and elasticky-skinned looking things. Which is how it's been for ages, I guess, that ideology of how vampires should be. And then they have only one black vampire, and the rest are all like Dulux Ultra White paint, and it kind of throws the whole point off base. If they're all white white white and then you randomly throw in one black guy (to try and look more racial friendly or for no real reason at all, IDEK), it makes no sense whatsoever.

I don't read the books, for the record. Couldn't get past half of the first one. I did watch the movie for the scenery, though!
Sep. 30th, 2009 04:10 pm (UTC)
lawls jus' come visit me in Seattle, we will take a day trip over to the land of Forks whenever you want.
Sep. 30th, 2009 04:13 pm (UTC)
I think I might take you up on that offer one day. xD

Oh, Forks. Funny, considering they filmed most of it in Oregon!
Sep. 30th, 2009 04:12 pm (UTC)
I must correct that Jacob and his tribe are not actually werewolves, they are shapeshifters. They just always take the form of wolves. They tell the story about the first shape shifter, but I forget it. I think some animal stole the leader's body, so he stole the animals.

I know of some rocks that are black and sparkle, so I don't think it's hard for black vampires dazzle. The dazzle is the most important part. Edward is compared a lot to stone anyway. I think marble most often.

I dunno, I can still see your point though. I just don't put that much thought into Twilight because it kind of baffles me. Oh Twilight.
Sep. 30th, 2009 04:18 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha, okay. Thanks for correcting me. That's the sort of pedantic crapola I'm looking for, actually.

So, shapeshifters, eh? So do other tribes shift to other shapes? That's pretty par for the course indigenous peoples magical fuckery. This somehow makes it LESS interesting to me than werewolves. Booo.

Back on Team Edward for me!
Sep. 30th, 2009 09:57 pm (UTC)
Apparently there were real werewolves in Europe, but they got killed off or some nonsense. You learn basically nothing about them.
Sep. 30th, 2009 04:41 pm (UTC)
Well, Forks is a relatively rural area, and so it's a lot whiter than the huge population of Asians we have in the urban/suburban parts.

That's all I have to offer, having refused to partake of this whole Twilight thing after reading about a page of it and deciding the writing wasn't worth my time. (Plus, insufferable fandom. Gah.)
Sep. 30th, 2009 04:44 pm (UTC)
But Chris! Bella gets preggers and her vampire boyfriend has to give her a C-section WITH HIS TEETH WHICH ARE LIKE DIAMONDS (or sumfin) because their horrible mutant half vampire baby is gonna KILL her mommy's poor human uterus + rest of her body!

How can you not appreciate this crap at least a tiny bit?

Edited at 2009-09-30 04:45 pm (UTC)
Sep. 30th, 2009 08:29 pm (UTC)
...Because I read for pleasure and enjoyment, not masochism and rage at shitty writing and shittier plots.

Besides, Larry Niven already addressed the problems of a superhuman baby in a human womb far better in "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex".
Sep. 30th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC)
There's an evil black vampire, but yeah, none of the good vamps are anything but white. My theory is it's another of Meyer's unconcious Mormonisms.
Sep. 30th, 2009 05:30 pm (UTC)
I doubt it's unconscious. And really, aren't the movies removed enough from the books that they could totally slip in a black guy when no race was specified? Like HHGTTG with Ford Prefect suddenly being black and it being awesome.

I am definitely asking for too much from these people.
Sep. 30th, 2009 05:14 pm (UTC)
Well, as explained above, stupid Stephenie Meyer decided that Jacob and the tribe weren't actually werewolves. It sort of works in a "mystical" sort of way, but I mean, she's already ruined vampires by having them frikkin' sparkle instead of melting into a pile of goo in the sunlight, so it sucks when you find out that "Oh snap! The werewolves? Yeah, they're not really werewolves."

But, I digress.

As for the race thing, it's really in the final book where a whole bunch of vampires from all over the world show up and there are black/brown skinned ones. There are ones from South America (the Amazon) and ones from Africa, if I'm remembering correctly.

There is that Asian kid in the movie who, like every other member of the male population, is in love with Bella (because her level of suckishness is so high that it draws people in like moths to a gigantic, raging fire), but as I remember it, his race is not specified in the books. I think when I read the books I just assumed he was Caucasian. Or maybe she did specify his race and I just don't remember because I was too distracted by the intense need to reach into the book and strangle Bella.
Sep. 30th, 2009 05:37 pm (UTC)
Vampires from all over the world? YAWNFACE. Has this ever *not* been done?

But that's good, I suppose. I mean, it would make more sense for all the wampires to be whitey mcwhites at first if it wasn't set in *America* where like half the freaking population is non-white and has been that way since forever and ever and the vampires are a collection of people over the last some hundred of years.

Are these foreign vampires Evil ones or Milktoast ones?
Sep. 30th, 2009 06:18 pm (UTC)
The foreign vampires (which include white ones BTW) come to help the Cullens fight off the Volturi (the big bad group of royal Italian vampires). So, they're good technically, but unlike the lame Cullens, most of them actually own their vampire-ness and prey on humans for blood.

And after like a bajillion pages worth of build-up to the big "fight", guess what? They don't fight.
Sep. 30th, 2009 07:22 pm (UTC)

(note: if in future I chew my way through even the first twenty pages of a twilight book you should prolly send me to the hospital.)
Oct. 1st, 2009 06:19 am (UTC)
Consider my "ruining" it a favor. I saved you from having to actually read it.

But, yeah, the lack of an epic battle after all the build-up was ridiculous. I was like "I sat through Bella's slasher film of a C-section for THIS?"

Imagine if Harry and Voldemort had decided to settle it all over a nice cup of tea. On second thought, that might have been kind of awesome.

Sep. 30th, 2009 10:02 pm (UTC)
Oh yeah, and you know how Edward's mind reading powers of doom mysteriously don't work on Bella, and the evil vampires' other creepy powers don't work on her either? You never find out why.

God the fourth one pissed me off. Really they all did.
Sep. 30th, 2009 06:24 pm (UTC)
I never noticed this, even when I looked at the posters before reading the rest of your post. I'm obviously racist because I was like "Hm, OK!"

I have nothing to contribute except Jacob can come over here if he wants.
Sep. 30th, 2009 07:28 pm (UTC)
No no, you're like Stephen Colbert. You're not racist, you're color-blind. The only reason you know you're white is because people tell you that you are.

The only male character of any twilight anything I find even minimally attractive is Papa Cullen. Upon investigation of his IMDB, however, I find much to my horror that it is only when he is a bleach-blond.
Sep. 30th, 2009 07:31 pm (UTC)
ACK. The Cullens are hideous. I work with a guy who is a Cullen, he must be, there's no other explanation.

Me and Mr. Colbert are besties.
Sep. 30th, 2009 07:34 pm (UTC)
The word "minimally" in "minimally attractive" was the important one.

I have plenty of other sources of sexy vampires, honestly. Foremost being Adam Ant.
Oct. 1st, 2009 05:46 am (UTC)
lalwz they need more asians. haha

and maybe jewish girls too.

we should audition!!! and i think there was a black vampire. somewhere. but that was just one guy. i think they needed to fulfill the equal opportunity quota crap.

anyway... jacob/thewolf/taylor laughtner look totally buff-like yuminess in that poster. i don't like twilight.. but if he'll hug me forever and kiss me on the lips.. ill read it 3 times over. not 4, because 4 is too much. but 3 is fine
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )